I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
