I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
