The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
