Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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