I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
It's blow job season.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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