I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
