He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
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