happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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