god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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