I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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