Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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