you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
