It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
false alarm. still invincible.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
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