Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
