but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Randomize
