wrigley field is MILF paradise
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize