I think i peed on brittanys purse
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
