woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
