It's Friday. Sex?
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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