My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
