Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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