i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
