Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
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