i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize