Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
