I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
