afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Randomize
