I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
another moral hangover. fuck.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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