the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
