just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
