so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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