the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
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