She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
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