did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
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