I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Everclear isn't food dammit
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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