ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
