I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
