That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize