it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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