Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Randomize
