I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize