remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
