this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
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