What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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