He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Is Oprah even human
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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