He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Randomize
