Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
