Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
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