Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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