I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Randomize
