Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
