im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
