I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
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