and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
he was CRYING into my vagina
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Randomize
