please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Randomize
