My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
