Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
So vagazzling was a success
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
