woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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