She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
