How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
