Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
