I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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