i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize