so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Randomize