She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
