It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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