i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
