kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
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