What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
Barsexuality is the new black.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
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