the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
third nipple confirmed
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
