I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
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