I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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