im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize
