He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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