dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Randomize
