They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize