You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
