hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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