The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
