ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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