Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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