I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
