i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
