A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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