Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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