she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
