Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
