they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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