all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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