coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
