He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
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