Your dad touched me again.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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