her vagine was all disorganized.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
