I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize