Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
