I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
