too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Randomize
