listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
