her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
