You don't have asthma, your pregnant
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Randomize
