You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize
