Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
