If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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